Stalkers

So I got a weird phone call from a random today and this is our conversation

*Ring ring ring* 
ME: Hello?
HIM: Hi, you sound like Austin!
ME: I'm Sorry?
HIM: Is this an Austin?
ME: Nope: I'm a Colton.
HIM: Colton?!
ME: That's my name. Try not to wear it out.
HIM: You're not Austin?
ME: No
HIM: How's it going?
ME: umm good?
HIM: So Austin is your Mom home?
ME: No...
HIM: Who's home?
Me: ... Me
HIM: Just you?
ME: Yes, why?
HIM: How's it going Austin?
ME: This isn't Austin.
HIM: Oh right I forgot!
ME: Okay.
HIM: That's a lot of digits.
ME: Uhuh
HIM: Well do you know an Austin?
ME: I know like 3.
HIM: Well I'm looking for one.
ME: Good luck finding one.
HIM: Do I have the wrong number?
ME: Do you have Alzheimer's?
HIM: Have a good day?
ME: Keep rockin' the memory loss!

*1 minute later*
*Ring ring ring*
Him again

I didn't answer I just let it ring

My VLOG!

So, I have joined the world of YouTube and to be quite honest... it's a lot of work. I've started a Vlog and I'm already behind. And not only that, it's a lot of work to find videos to watch. Haha But I'm trying.

Anyways, I started a Vlog about my Summer here in Lethbridge and my adventures while I'm here. It's hopefully getting better. My computer sucks so editing is super choppy but I'm gonna try and make it work. Anyways check it out. I hope you like it. The link is below. :)

http://www.youtube.com/user/Coltz1082?feature=mhee#p/p

Stay Sexy ;)

This one is for you Samantha!

I Love Samantha Mooney. Period.

The most epic moment of my life!

So, I've had a lot of moments in my life where I'm like 'Whoa. That was damn epic. Go me!' But this one by far tops the cake.
So, lately I've been listening to a lot of classical music because It's finals and final projects and what not and I can't sing along to it and get overly distracted. So I downloaded this package called 'A Masterpiece Collection' that has 155 classical songs ranging from like Beethoven and Mozart to Bach and Tchaikovsky. So I was walking to school and I was jamming out to my recently added on my iPod and what was on was 'Dirty Talk' by Wynter Gordon and you know I got hot and bothered 'cause it's a sexy song.... to an extent. Then it just get's slutty.

So, I'm walking and I walk into Turcotte Hall and the second the automatic doors open up and the vent blows on me... Imperial March by Williams starts playing. Wait. It get's better. So, as I enter Turcotte Hall I turn to walk down the hall by the pool deck and a little girl saw me and ran away!! I have NEVER felt so cool in my life!!! So then I was like killing myself laughing by myself and people probably thought I was crazy so I thought I'd better switch the song so I pressed next... And as that little girl was running away... Carmina Burana by Orff played.
It was the coolest thing that has ever happened and I loved it!! I hope you enjoyed! I know I did. :)

Something Witty and Sarcastic

Me and my friend Tara-Lee at her birthday party! We are Witty & Sarcastic. :)

The OCD Project

I just think there's some good shit out there that I want to help you to. First of all, show titles will just grab me as I'm flipping around. And by the way I admit to watching an insane amount of TV. And when you hear these European Studies where they say 'It's shocking! Some American's have been known to watch up to six hours of television a day.' I'm up to 20... I don't know about you but I can sleep when I'm dead.
Alright, so certain show titles, you know, catch my attention. Please tell me I'm not the only person who saw a little gem called 'The O.C.D. Project'? Okay, hear me out. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is not something we should make fun of. It is not a funny thing at all, and it's a serious disorder. Where people have struggles. Shame on you for laughing! Ugh!... Alright, I can't help it. I know OCD is real but that was some funny shit. That was some unintentional funny shit.
Please tell me you saw the crazy bat-shit lady who was so nuts that every single time she got in her car she thought she hit someone? It get's better! She thought she hit a baby. No, no. Don't groan. Don't groan. She's never hit anyone, much less, a baby. She's just Ah-Coocoo! Allegedly. Anyway, so, The OCD Project, is this awesome show where they put a bunch of crazies in a house like 'Big Brother', but for people with OCD. HI! Yeah, exactly. I'm in! I'm fucking in! I'm all in! I'm doubling down on the crazy! So, this woman would get into her car everyday, and by the way, she lived in the burbs with culdesac's and shit. So if you have that disorder where you think you hit someone and you didn't... Move to Manhattan and take the fucking subway. Problem solved. Alright, but I digress.
So, the showed her getting in the car every single day driving 5 miles an hour and thinking she hit someone every 2 seconds. Okay, now how dare you laugh. Shame on you. Alright so being a reality person I know that the name of the game is that you don't want to show the camera guy, right? You're supposed to make the audience feel like a fly on the wall, and they're not really supposed to be heard from. Okay. I felt so bad for the poor guy that got the shit-gig of having to be in the car every day with this chick who keeps thinking she hit someone... and didn't.
So they show her the first day white-knucking it on the steering wheel. I mean, she was really convinced. And so she's driving going 'I-I think heard... Did I hit somebody? I think I heard.. I have to go back. Did you hear that? I think I hit somebody. I really-I think I hit somebody- I think I hit a child.' And then you just hear the camera guy going 'No Mam.' 'No I think I-This time I really think I did.' 'No.' 'I think I-I have to go back. I know I've already circled the block 18 times but I really- Did you hear that?' 'No.'
Alright, so if that isn't awesome enough please tell me you saw what the therapist decided to do to cure her? This is called an exposure, and so the therapist did an exposure with her and that was to cure her. And he had her go to an empty parking lot and drive in circles while THROWING BABY STROLLERS AT HER WINDSHIELD. "You just hit somebody!" "You just hit somebody!" "You just hit somebody!" 'I-I' 'No Mam' 'I really think I should-' 'No mam.' 'But I really-' 'No Mam' "You just hit somebody!"
Well that shit would make me crazy! Book me a room! And how about when he up-the-Anny... And you know I'm not making this up... when he then threw Cabbage Patch Dolls... "You hit a Baby!" "You hit a Baby!" "You hit a Baby!" 'I really-' 'No Mam' 'But I really-' 'No Miss, it's a Cabbage Patch Doll' 'I really-' 'Don't turn around' 'I hit-'
... I'm not making fun of OCD in any way. And neither are you.

Sex Talk at the Supper Table

So I have a good friend names Nigel and last night he was over for supper and we were talking and catching up on on the recent events life has thrown our way. We haven't seen each other in almost 2 weeks so there was quite a bit. So once in a while I have a moment that is a golden moment. And I know these are golden by the reaction I get when I say them. Last night I had one of those moments and I know it was golden because he almost choked on his supper. Here is a tid bit of our conversation. Enjoy! :)

• Nigel: Did you know that the average age to lose your virginity is 14 and a half now?
• Colton: What the shit? Are you serious?
• Nigel: Yeah. I wasn't even thinking about sex when I was 14..
• Colton: I wasn't even thinking about sex when I lost my virginity..

St. Patrick's Day mid-day drunk texts

So, today is apparently St. Patrick's Day. Totally forgot. And one of my favorite things is the drunk texts in the middle of the day. Here is one. Probably the most difficult one to date... ENJOY

This is me and my pal Kaydree on New Years Eve of '09

Me: I'm bored
Kaydree: I'm drunk lol
Me: Totally knew you would be. ;)
Kaydree: Are you?
Me: I wish. Haha
Kaydree: Try
Me: Try?
Kaydree: Try to et drunk
Me: I do have wine and vodka... And Bailey's... And more wine... and mix
Kaydree: Srink!
Me: By myself? That's sad little girl!
Kaydree: I'm dru k
Me: Yes. Yes you are.
Kaydree: I needddd freends
Me: You have a friend in me. That counts 100
Kaydree: Awe I loves you
Me: I loves you to K-Dawg!
Kaydree: Good! I got a job lol
Me: For reals!? Where at??
Kaydree: College
Me: Doing what?
Kaydree: Drankin
Me: What?
Kaydree: Drankin
Me: What is Drankin?
Kaydree: Dranking
Me: I don't know what Dranking is!
Kaydree: So do it
Me: Do you even know what Dranking is?
Kaydree: Dranking! Lol
Me: What is dranking!?
Kaydree: Drankin/!!
Me: OMG! Are you kidding me right now?? Bahahha
Kaydree: Drank!! Lol
Me: What are you doing at the college?!
Kaydree: Drankin! Lol
Me: Drankin is your job??
Kaydree: Ya man
Me: What do you do? What does your job entail?
Kaydree: Drank in
Me: I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS
Kaydree: Dranking pop and alcohol and drankin lol
Me: That's the job you got?
Kaydree: Yaaaa
Me: Is this a paying job?
Kaydree: Noooo
Me: But you said you got a job...
Kaydree: Oh montanas!!
Me: Oh sweet Jesus

Moral of the story... Stop Slang... It just screws people up.

Tumblr

So I recently got a Tumblr account... not exactly sure what it is or anything but I have one.... And I think you should follow me so I'm not posting things for no one to see.

coltonjholmes.tumblr.com

That's the link... Check it out!

Bucket List

So, I have a bucket. And inside this bucket is a list. And what should happen is that, in my life time, I'm going to try to check off every single one of these items before I take a running start and drop kick that bucket into no mans land. A lot of my list involves places to travel, (Who's doesn't?) and things to do/see... well, not a lot of my list... all of it. 'Cause that just summed it up. Places to go and things to do! Now this list will never stop growing and at the rate I'm going it's way ahead of me. But maybe one day I will catch up and maybe pass it. But yet it'll finish the race before me. (Think about it.) Anyways, here are a few things on my list. You'll notice Skydiving is not on here... That's because I've already done it.

1) Bungee Jumping: I figure I've fallen 12,000 feet from the sky at 180 kms/h, being tied to a cord and falling will be a piece of cake... That I will NOT eat before I take the leap.
2) Live in New York: I went on a trip to NYC for one week and that wasn't enough time at all. I need to live there. I don't know why but ever since I was little I've always wanted to live in Brooklyn. I mean, I would LOVE to live on the Upper East Side of Manhattan and sip wine, eat out, party, and be personally invited to art galleries and come home and look out my Penthouse window and see Central Park and the NYC Skyline... But for some reason looking out my window and possibly seeing a drug deal is somewhat fascinating to me.
3) Buy expensive coffee: I've heard that a coffee shop is opening up in Calgary that, the cups of coffee they will be selling is like $30.00 or something like that! No special reason. Just to say I've overpaid for coffee outside of Starbucks.
4) Trip to Africa: Now, this is what my ultimate vacation would be. It's really weird but I think it would be an AMAZING experience. I want to spend a month and travel all over Africa. But not start there. I want to start in Spain and see (Possibly partake in) The Running of The Bulls or encierro if you're Spanish, and then travel to Northern Africa, West Africa, Central Africa, East Africa, and then finally South Africa. Helping out in Orphanages, and villages and seeing how the Tribes people live, etc. However, in this trip I will definitely avoid the areas that are so sketchy you could sketch them with a pencil. And when I'm done I'll cross over to Madagascar and explore the Madagascar Stone Forrest. Have you seen that thing? It's incredibly AMAZING! Believe it or not this has taken a huge turn from my original dream vacation. My original one was to go the Bahamas to the Atlantis Resort. That's it. Would have made for a much shorter blog post.
5) Play a musical instrument: I have a few I would love to be able to play but it's very unlikely I will be good at any of them. Violin: For some reason I've always been attracted to the Violin... when it's played well. Like I'm not some Korean-American child prodigy so you know, I'll never be known for that. Guitar: I love acoustic guitar. Like, seriously, what is more attractive than the line 'I play guitar'? Not a whole lot! My Best friend tries teaching me but I kinda bomb like Hiroshima. Piano: ... It's just pretty.
6) Six Pack Abs: I don't find myself to be one of those guys who would look like he would ever have a 6 pack. Like It's not in my face. I think it would just look weird. But If I had a 6-pack... I'd be able to wash my clothes in the river on my body.
7) Black Water Rafting: I love activities that really get the adrenaline flowing so what's cooler that Black Water Rafting? It's exactly like White Water Rafting except it's underground in caves!
8) Have a GIANT game of Hide and Seek in Ikea: Let's face it. That's like the coolest idea ever! Like that's a game for the books.
9) Backpack through Europe with a friend. This one get's done a lot but I think it would be super cool!
10) This one isn't really a... OH NO!! I can't remember what this one was! It was the best one too!!! Wow, this sucks... That was the big shabang! 


I do have much more. This is just a few. But yeah, hopefully you enjoyed this post! Have a good day! :)

Valentines Day

Alright, so tomorrow is Valentines Day and for the 19th year in a row... I'm single for it. Now don't get me wrong, power to all of your guys's love and relationships and whatnot. But it's another day in the year where it's spotlighted that I'm not in a relationship. It's not even so much that I'm not seeing someone, it's that everyone is busy on dates or 'sticking it to the man' and being single and going out and all that. When really, all I want to do is stay in and watch some movies with a friend or two.
I'm not depressed or anything like that, but I could very well be drunk tomorrow by myself if it comes to it. Literally by myself 'cause I can't text or talk to anyone 'cause they are all with their boyfriend or girlfriend. Meh. I'm not one for this 'holiday' and never was. And maybe one day I will be, but I doubt that day will ever happen unless I find someone.  And even then it's iffy, 'cause it's just another day for people in relationships. They get to see that person they are dating. And I know what you're say: "You're 19, you're young, you've got lots of time to find someone" And as true as that may be, I've been patient for 19 years and it'd be nice for maybe a little bit of light to guide the way.
I guess I'm one sided 'cause this day is all about love, and if you're like me and have never been in love, then you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. And I wouldn't even really be writing this Blog if it wasn't for the fact that the closest person to me in this moment just cancelled our plans. So really, I just didn't want to be alone on this day for various reasons that shall remain unnamed.
So, that is my not so worldly rare valentines rant as random and jumbled as it may be. I know what I'm talking about. :)

Stuff My Professors Say...

So, being a Drama student you have a lot of eccentric teachers and sometimes the stuff they say is so funny you can't contain yourself. Maybe it's just us and you won't get what's so funny but we do. :) This will be an ongoing blog post as the year goes on. Updates could very well be daily.

Prof 1: *Draws 2 lines on the board that cross* "What does this represent?"
Students: "Jesus, Cross, Christianity, etc."
Prof 1: *Draws another one and cuts it into dashes* "Alright, so now which one is stronger? Which one would the KKK have trouble burning on your front lawn?"

Prof 1: "What is more appealing to sleep on? A rock? Sandpaper? Or something fuzzy and warm?"
Students: "Fuzzy and warm of course."
Student #1: "Sandpaper"
Prof 1: "Why?"
Student #1 "It's exfoliating"
Prof 1: "Yes, because I'm sure homeless people have great skin."

Prof 2: *Talking about getting stage directions right* "I don't think you guys acknowledge your dyslexia sometimes"

Scary Movies

Scary movies and I get along like a fat kid and a candy bar. There is no separating us no matter how hard you try. You can bribe me with something but I'll go right back to my Horror Movies. Don't get me wrong, I love all genre's of movies, but Horror is my favorite.

My very first Horror movie, I watched with my sister when I was just a little tyke. Is was the infamous Exorcist movie. That movie scared me so much that it scared the fear out of me. Nothing has ever scared me since that movie. I'd be the fearless guy in the movie who goes into the closet to see what that noise was only to find out that it was like some Killer Cat with Rabis or something like that. (Side note. I hate cats with a passion) Movies will get my heart racing but I won't scream, jump, or do any of the regular pre-teen girl things. Except for once. In a public place. This is my story...

Last year Me, my room mate, and a couple of our friends went out to see Zombieland. (I know what you're thinking. "Colton, what happened? This is a comedy. Come on. Get real") Well, this is real. We arrived a little late and it was opening weekend so the Theatre was packed. The only seats were at the very front. So we walk in with popcorn and drinks in hand and we saw the crowd and were like "What the hell? What's with the people?" So we find a spot and plunk down and crank our necks to a 90 degree angle to see a quarter of the screen. So we are watching and I was texting my bestie. (I hate Tommy Texters in the theatre but he is never around his phone so when he replies, I reply fast. Only time I ever texted in the theatre.) So I finished writing a text message and grabbed my popcorn and looked up at the screen. The second I looked up there was a split second of silence and then the damn clown (I hate clowns) flies out of the bathroom! I was not prepared in the least. I jumped so high I did the total movie theatre jump where POPCORN FLIES ALL OVER EVERYONE!! My friends were not impressed with me at all. So there was only one thing I could do... I giggles like a little girl and when we left I called my best friend and told him what momentous occasion he just missed out on.

Well, that's my story. If you have any you'd like to share, please feel free to tell me! :)

Marriage

Today I asked Kathy Griffin to marry me over Twitter. She hasn't replied... Yet.

Isn't she the classiest woman you've ever seen?

Biggest Fail Of My Life

Alright. So, are you ready for my first story? I don't think you can handle it. However, this story tends to get some laughs and apparently it's my best story so I thought it would be a good way to start things off. So, sit back, relax, and get ready to have your mind blown!

My first year of University I was very shy, timid, and slightly socially awkward. I do well when it's one-on-one hanging out, but put me in a group of people and I go silent. I tend to listen to what others have to say and if on the rare event that I do have something to say, I speak up.

One of my classes was in PE250 (Largest classroom on campus. 300ish seats?) One dreaded day we had a guest Prof. that wanted to do a little experiment. So he asked for 3 volunteers. I, being the way I was slouched down in my seat, looked away and went into my happy place while all the eager beavers raised their hands and practically fought to the death to get picked. It was almost like that scene in Mean Girls when all those 'teens' are at the fountain in the mall. Yeah. The Prof. had no intention of picking any of the students who raised their hands. He wanted to put people in a situation where they had to do something against there will... You know, kind of like rape. (Bad joke. Lord, I apologize)

Now, I tend to have bad luck when it comes to, well, anything really. I got the nickname Murphy in High School. You know, like Murphy's Law "Anything That Can Go Wrong, Will Go Wrong". I blame 'Good Luck Chuck' for that one.

With my luck (Or lack there of) I was the third one chosen. My heart stopped. Reluctantly, I get out of my seat and walk down the stairs. I can feel 300 beady little eyes watching my every move thinking "Damn, who's that sexy guy up there?" Oh, that's just me. So as I'm walking I started to get a little nervous. 5 more steps, 4 more steps, 3 more steps, 2 more steps, 1. more. step. BAM! Fall. My nightmare had come true.

Now this fall, was not your typical stumble and run out of. This was a full blown, flat on your face, play dead to make you feel better fall. THERE WAS AN UPROAR OF LAUGHTER. Even the Prof was laughing. And he had a microphone so his laugh is over powering everyone elses. My first thought was... "What the hell just happened?" But I was laughing too, 'cause lets face it. If you can't laugh at yourself you have no right to laugh at anyone elses misfortune. And I love to laugh at other peoples misfortune. It's one of my dirty pleasures in life. So I'm not going to lie, I was laughing pretty hard. When the Prof. finally asked me if I was okay and helped me up, I couldn't answer 'cause I was laughing so hard. The laughter in the class had died down a bit. He asked again if I was okay. I was still in shock. It all happened so fast, it was all such a blur. So I go to answer again... I take a breath in... and I snorted. I NEVER SNORT WHEN I LAUGH. True FML moment.

The Prof. sent me back to my seat 'cause I'm pretty sure he felt I went through enough pain staking humiliation for one day. So I walk back to my seat and I made sure I wasn't going to stumble or fall again. I had no friends in this class yet so when I got back to my seat I couldn't turn to my friend beside me and be like "Did you just see what happened?" To which they would reply "Yes I did. Along with everyone else in the class" I sat down and laughed by myself. Some people joined in but it felt like they were more so laughing at the gong show I just put on.

So that's my first story. I hope you enjoyed. I mean, I am a Drama Major so really, I have freaky, odd, scary, encounters almost every day. And you know what? I love it.

Every Blog Needs A First Post

Why hello there. How are you this fine day? Well, it's not all that fine. It's Winter... and I live in Canada. You do the math. If you can't do it... It's cold.

So, you are probably wondering why I'm writing this Blog. Well to be quite honest.... so am I. I have a few friends who write on here and I love their blogs. So who knows how mine will turn out to be. It could be a huge hit with tens of views or it could bomb and you know... only have my Mother read it. Either way... Forgot what I was going to say. But that rhymed and I have to admit, that's pretty cool. Bonus points for me!

So, as soon as I have a story I think is worth telling.. I will let you know. Until then, have fun and a  good life!