The OCD Project

I just think there's some good shit out there that I want to help you to. First of all, show titles will just grab me as I'm flipping around. And by the way I admit to watching an insane amount of TV. And when you hear these European Studies where they say 'It's shocking! Some American's have been known to watch up to six hours of television a day.' I'm up to 20... I don't know about you but I can sleep when I'm dead.
Alright, so certain show titles, you know, catch my attention. Please tell me I'm not the only person who saw a little gem called 'The O.C.D. Project'? Okay, hear me out. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is not something we should make fun of. It is not a funny thing at all, and it's a serious disorder. Where people have struggles. Shame on you for laughing! Ugh!... Alright, I can't help it. I know OCD is real but that was some funny shit. That was some unintentional funny shit.
Please tell me you saw the crazy bat-shit lady who was so nuts that every single time she got in her car she thought she hit someone? It get's better! She thought she hit a baby. No, no. Don't groan. Don't groan. She's never hit anyone, much less, a baby. She's just Ah-Coocoo! Allegedly. Anyway, so, The OCD Project, is this awesome show where they put a bunch of crazies in a house like 'Big Brother', but for people with OCD. HI! Yeah, exactly. I'm in! I'm fucking in! I'm all in! I'm doubling down on the crazy! So, this woman would get into her car everyday, and by the way, she lived in the burbs with culdesac's and shit. So if you have that disorder where you think you hit someone and you didn't... Move to Manhattan and take the fucking subway. Problem solved. Alright, but I digress.
So, the showed her getting in the car every single day driving 5 miles an hour and thinking she hit someone every 2 seconds. Okay, now how dare you laugh. Shame on you. Alright so being a reality person I know that the name of the game is that you don't want to show the camera guy, right? You're supposed to make the audience feel like a fly on the wall, and they're not really supposed to be heard from. Okay. I felt so bad for the poor guy that got the shit-gig of having to be in the car every day with this chick who keeps thinking she hit someone... and didn't.
So they show her the first day white-knucking it on the steering wheel. I mean, she was really convinced. And so she's driving going 'I-I think heard... Did I hit somebody? I think I heard.. I have to go back. Did you hear that? I think I hit somebody. I really-I think I hit somebody- I think I hit a child.' And then you just hear the camera guy going 'No Mam.' 'No I think I-This time I really think I did.' 'No.' 'I think I-I have to go back. I know I've already circled the block 18 times but I really- Did you hear that?' 'No.'
Alright, so if that isn't awesome enough please tell me you saw what the therapist decided to do to cure her? This is called an exposure, and so the therapist did an exposure with her and that was to cure her. And he had her go to an empty parking lot and drive in circles while THROWING BABY STROLLERS AT HER WINDSHIELD. "You just hit somebody!" "You just hit somebody!" "You just hit somebody!" 'I-I' 'No Mam' 'I really think I should-' 'No mam.' 'But I really-' 'No Mam' "You just hit somebody!"
Well that shit would make me crazy! Book me a room! And how about when he up-the-Anny... And you know I'm not making this up... when he then threw Cabbage Patch Dolls... "You hit a Baby!" "You hit a Baby!" "You hit a Baby!" 'I really-' 'No Mam' 'But I really-' 'No Miss, it's a Cabbage Patch Doll' 'I really-' 'Don't turn around' 'I hit-'
... I'm not making fun of OCD in any way. And neither are you.

Sex Talk at the Supper Table

So I have a good friend names Nigel and last night he was over for supper and we were talking and catching up on on the recent events life has thrown our way. We haven't seen each other in almost 2 weeks so there was quite a bit. So once in a while I have a moment that is a golden moment. And I know these are golden by the reaction I get when I say them. Last night I had one of those moments and I know it was golden because he almost choked on his supper. Here is a tid bit of our conversation. Enjoy! :)

• Nigel: Did you know that the average age to lose your virginity is 14 and a half now?
• Colton: What the shit? Are you serious?
• Nigel: Yeah. I wasn't even thinking about sex when I was 14..
• Colton: I wasn't even thinking about sex when I lost my virginity..

St. Patrick's Day mid-day drunk texts

So, today is apparently St. Patrick's Day. Totally forgot. And one of my favorite things is the drunk texts in the middle of the day. Here is one. Probably the most difficult one to date... ENJOY

This is me and my pal Kaydree on New Years Eve of '09

Me: I'm bored
Kaydree: I'm drunk lol
Me: Totally knew you would be. ;)
Kaydree: Are you?
Me: I wish. Haha
Kaydree: Try
Me: Try?
Kaydree: Try to et drunk
Me: I do have wine and vodka... And Bailey's... And more wine... and mix
Kaydree: Srink!
Me: By myself? That's sad little girl!
Kaydree: I'm dru k
Me: Yes. Yes you are.
Kaydree: I needddd freends
Me: You have a friend in me. That counts 100
Kaydree: Awe I loves you
Me: I loves you to K-Dawg!
Kaydree: Good! I got a job lol
Me: For reals!? Where at??
Kaydree: College
Me: Doing what?
Kaydree: Drankin
Me: What?
Kaydree: Drankin
Me: What is Drankin?
Kaydree: Dranking
Me: I don't know what Dranking is!
Kaydree: So do it
Me: Do you even know what Dranking is?
Kaydree: Dranking! Lol
Me: What is dranking!?
Kaydree: Drankin/!!
Me: OMG! Are you kidding me right now?? Bahahha
Kaydree: Drank!! Lol
Me: What are you doing at the college?!
Kaydree: Drankin! Lol
Me: Drankin is your job??
Kaydree: Ya man
Me: What do you do? What does your job entail?
Kaydree: Drank in
Me: I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS
Kaydree: Dranking pop and alcohol and drankin lol
Me: That's the job you got?
Kaydree: Yaaaa
Me: Is this a paying job?
Kaydree: Noooo
Me: But you said you got a job...
Kaydree: Oh montanas!!
Me: Oh sweet Jesus

Moral of the story... Stop Slang... It just screws people up.

Tumblr

So I recently got a Tumblr account... not exactly sure what it is or anything but I have one.... And I think you should follow me so I'm not posting things for no one to see.

coltonjholmes.tumblr.com

That's the link... Check it out!

Bucket List

So, I have a bucket. And inside this bucket is a list. And what should happen is that, in my life time, I'm going to try to check off every single one of these items before I take a running start and drop kick that bucket into no mans land. A lot of my list involves places to travel, (Who's doesn't?) and things to do/see... well, not a lot of my list... all of it. 'Cause that just summed it up. Places to go and things to do! Now this list will never stop growing and at the rate I'm going it's way ahead of me. But maybe one day I will catch up and maybe pass it. But yet it'll finish the race before me. (Think about it.) Anyways, here are a few things on my list. You'll notice Skydiving is not on here... That's because I've already done it.

1) Bungee Jumping: I figure I've fallen 12,000 feet from the sky at 180 kms/h, being tied to a cord and falling will be a piece of cake... That I will NOT eat before I take the leap.
2) Live in New York: I went on a trip to NYC for one week and that wasn't enough time at all. I need to live there. I don't know why but ever since I was little I've always wanted to live in Brooklyn. I mean, I would LOVE to live on the Upper East Side of Manhattan and sip wine, eat out, party, and be personally invited to art galleries and come home and look out my Penthouse window and see Central Park and the NYC Skyline... But for some reason looking out my window and possibly seeing a drug deal is somewhat fascinating to me.
3) Buy expensive coffee: I've heard that a coffee shop is opening up in Calgary that, the cups of coffee they will be selling is like $30.00 or something like that! No special reason. Just to say I've overpaid for coffee outside of Starbucks.
4) Trip to Africa: Now, this is what my ultimate vacation would be. It's really weird but I think it would be an AMAZING experience. I want to spend a month and travel all over Africa. But not start there. I want to start in Spain and see (Possibly partake in) The Running of The Bulls or encierro if you're Spanish, and then travel to Northern Africa, West Africa, Central Africa, East Africa, and then finally South Africa. Helping out in Orphanages, and villages and seeing how the Tribes people live, etc. However, in this trip I will definitely avoid the areas that are so sketchy you could sketch them with a pencil. And when I'm done I'll cross over to Madagascar and explore the Madagascar Stone Forrest. Have you seen that thing? It's incredibly AMAZING! Believe it or not this has taken a huge turn from my original dream vacation. My original one was to go the Bahamas to the Atlantis Resort. That's it. Would have made for a much shorter blog post.
5) Play a musical instrument: I have a few I would love to be able to play but it's very unlikely I will be good at any of them. Violin: For some reason I've always been attracted to the Violin... when it's played well. Like I'm not some Korean-American child prodigy so you know, I'll never be known for that. Guitar: I love acoustic guitar. Like, seriously, what is more attractive than the line 'I play guitar'? Not a whole lot! My Best friend tries teaching me but I kinda bomb like Hiroshima. Piano: ... It's just pretty.
6) Six Pack Abs: I don't find myself to be one of those guys who would look like he would ever have a 6 pack. Like It's not in my face. I think it would just look weird. But If I had a 6-pack... I'd be able to wash my clothes in the river on my body.
7) Black Water Rafting: I love activities that really get the adrenaline flowing so what's cooler that Black Water Rafting? It's exactly like White Water Rafting except it's underground in caves!
8) Have a GIANT game of Hide and Seek in Ikea: Let's face it. That's like the coolest idea ever! Like that's a game for the books.
9) Backpack through Europe with a friend. This one get's done a lot but I think it would be super cool!
10) This one isn't really a... OH NO!! I can't remember what this one was! It was the best one too!!! Wow, this sucks... That was the big shabang! 


I do have much more. This is just a few. But yeah, hopefully you enjoyed this post! Have a good day! :)